Day 12 post ACL/meniscus surgery and I’m rehabbing like crazy and making progress which brought on yet another topic and lesson I’ll share. Two nights ago my ankle and foot swole up to insanely hideous proportions in the middle of the night. This was the first night I actually had the courage to sleep upstairs in my own bed. Our stairway is oddly shaped, without rails, long and the stairs are higher in length than most so it makes for sheer effort. Laying in bed with this monstrous purple swollen leg I was overwhelmed and feeling claustrophobic in my own skin. I was frantically trying to unbuckle my brace, pry the skintight thigh high compression sock off and then finally the ace bandage wrap while my poor husband did everything he could to help, but he’s so scared he’s going to hurt me he treats my leg like a fragile porcelain doll. I had an insatiable urge move my leg to get out of my own skin. I just wanted to bend it... nothing crazy just a micro bend...something..anything, but I can’t and not for a few more days. ••••••••• The brace, this vice of constriction around my leg all of a sudden became a metaphor. The way I felt in the middle of the night was familiar to me in other areas of my life in the very recent past. There were times I remember waking up feeling like I was trapped, caged, suffocating in my current circumstance. Mostly the chains of my own self imposed expectations to be everything for everyone all the time and to do it with a perfectly poised smile on my face. Zapping my own energy and leaving me with nothing to give to myself my family and my closest circle of friends. I look back and see this was literally my vice. I was suffocating. Not anymore....... •••••••• More often than not I was a slave to regimented eating. What I ate, how much I ate, when I ate, measuring it, weighing it and then doing it again just to double check it wasn’t even a tad too much. Scheduling every daily workout down to the rep, set and duration and sometimes TWICE a day. This was my control, my obsession, my addiction and a different kind of vice. I was suffocating Not anymore..... ••••••••
My point is that the vice that may be suffocating you right now, the one that is trapping you and preventing you from living your life to your greatest potential can be loosened. You have a choice every day to unfasten the constraints and little by little even if it’s just a micro bend in the right direction just like my knee it’s the direction of progress that matters...and in the progress there is freedom.