• JLud

The messy, dirty and REAL truth of post surgery acceptance.

Road to recovery reset day 4. Today…for now I am smiling while binge watching mindless TV with good hair after my husband washed it for me....the first time in five days (which he did surprising well and without too many awkward moments). Yesterday I was I crying most of the day, the pain felt unbearable. I screamed twice (out loud), I had a full on panic attack (like a real one) while my husband was trying to help me practice walking with crutches up two stairs (literally TWO). I froze, felt like I couldn’t breathe, like my body was failing me, and I was trapped inside a body I don’t connect with or recognize. I got physically sick to my stomach and started to hyperventilate. It was scary. ••••••••••• I normally don’t share the imperfect parts of my life on social media, generally I keep it pretty “safe” and I don’t really know why. Maybe its fear of not being liked or letting people down or not “walking the walk” all the time as a health and fitness professional, but I heard a quote the other day that I am holding onto ”Nobody truly interesting is universally liked” I am letting go of focusing on being liked and for now focusing on using my voice to talk about my truth through this journey. This is certainly teaching me to get real, to get dirty, to get truly authentic in hopes to help others. This injury has given me no choice. I can’t hide behind what I think people want to see or know about me and I have to allow the shield I have created to be lifted. I filtered it. So as promised I will share as authentically as I can about this journey and then as I heal and recover I will continue to be transparent in my struggles with all parts of this BIG life, as a mom, an entrepreneur, a wife, a health and fitness coach, the confusing and mind boggling fitness industry, the standards of perfection and pressure in the industry, and the rest of the incredibly messy real and raw life that we all universally share.#nofilterformeanymore #authentic #aclsurgery

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